Recipe for a Snit

I have never been one to apply my creative instincts towards cooking. In my lifetime I have made a decent dish or two, but no one who has ever known me will argue with me when I say that my talents do not lend themselves to the culinary arts. I am, however, a whiz at whipping up a spectacular snit.

It’s important to differentiate here between a snit, a tizzy and a huff. The variations between the three are subtle but distinct. A huff is more of a mild snit, whereas a tizzy is not as refined or directed. To be sure, it takes skill and finesse to navigate your way around the perfect snit.

You’ll need:
Involuntary Audience Participation. This is key! There is absolutely no point to working up a snit if one is alone. The ideal audience is one who refuses to engage yet knows to ride it out. This approach feeds the snit wonderfully. Stay alert to verbal and physical cues from your audience. If you cross their tolerance limits, you will be forced to abort or dilute your masterpiece-in-the-making and will leave you unsatisfied.

Hunger and/or fatigue. Being both hungry and tired works best, but one or the other will do in a pinch. If you have neither, experiment with skipping to the next step. Snits are very individual art forms – find what works for you.

Indignation. This element acts as a fuel. Without it, you may accidentally snuff out your snit due to a lack of momentum. If you find that it is not already present at the start of your snit, one can easily be created by lightly tapping a hot-button issue with said audience. Caution: broach this step delicately, lest you bypass your snit and move directly to an argument.

Righteousness. Most times, you will know deep within that you are wrong to incite a snit and are doing so primarily for selfish reasons. A pinch of righteousness will help keep the snit active even when your conscience prompts you to stop.

Mix the ingredients together, sampling as you go until it feels just right. Serves 2 to 4.

Note: For dessert, always plan on a big slice of humble pie. A good snit dissipates quickly, and there is simply no better way to rid oneself of the admittedly bitter aftertaste than a sincere apology to those subjected to the snit and an earnest thanks for putting up with you.