The Vortex, A Play in One Scene

Cue: De Grieg’s “Morning”
Lights fade in slowly to reveal silhouette of woman standing on a bare stage.

Woman: Oh…

Lights continue to brighten until the audience is illuminated.

Woman: Oh! Hello. Was I…have you been here a while? I feel like I’ve been away for a very long time. Let’s see, I remember the Fourth of July, and then… it’s all a bit fuzzy. And now, it’s – I’m sorry, what’s the date?

The audience remains silent.

Woman: Oh, dear. It’s been ages since I was last here, isn’t that right? You must be quite annoyed with me. After all, I asked all of you here, and then – whoop! I vanish. But it seems I’m back. If that’s any consolation to you. Thank you for being here still! No, really, I do truly appreciate your patience.

It seems I entered the wedding vortex. Have you heard about it? I hadn’t. Well, not really. There are rumors, you know. There are always rumors. But there I was one day, preparing for my wedding, things moving along as they do – and then, Poof! I could feel a flurry of wedding preparation pick up speed, and I tried to shift into a higher gear to better tackle the approaching tasks, but there was a gravitational pull that was stronger than I was. And then, yes, it’s all coming back to me now, I woke up one morning to a whooshing sound and then suddenly I was getting sucked into the vortex. It’s all a blur when I speak of it now, but I am certain that’s where I was. Quite certain…

And – oh, yes! This I remember quite clearly! There was an earthquake! Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing? An earthquake in New York City! It seems so implausible, doesn’t it? But there I was in my office on the 31st floor when the walls started wobbling. My brain didn’t know what to make of it, so it suggested perhaps I was underwater. I’m embarrassed to say, I didn’t rule out that option nearly as quickly as one might expect. When the vase began to teeter on its pedestal, I swear, it was something right out of a movie!

I know it was nothing at all compared to what others have experienced. But I was an earthquake novice, you see. I’m not accustomed to my ceiling buckling. When the announcement came over the P.A. system to evacuate, I did not hesitate, not even long enough to grab my purse and phone. That was very silly of me. I would like to think I’d be much more clear-headed in an emergency situation, but to walk away from my money and means of contact? I’d have to give myself a failing grade on that one, don’t you agree?

An with each floor I descended, one of the thousands of employees working our way down the stairwell, I thought of more things to concern me. I didn’t know how bad the earthquake was on a city-wide scale, so my fear got the worst of me. O was scheduled to be on the subway; had his train derailed? Was he all right? My sister would learn of the earthquake and try to reach me; I envisioned my phone ringing incessantly on my desk.

And before I realized it, I was having some odd, pseudo-flashback experience to September 11, 2001.

I say ‘pseudo’ because I wasn’t downtown on September 11. Yes, it’s true that I work across the street from where the towers fell, and when I say that aloud, I realize it brings a level of sustained awareness of vulnerability to my everyday. But I didn’t think it affected me. Go ahead and laugh, I don’t mind, I know it sounds absurd. But I mean it! I don’t have a personal connection with the geography of my office building. And the crowds of tourists lend themselves to the feeling of being in the middle of a giant attraction, and that’s how I feel in Times Square, too.

Mind you, the looming ten year anniversary has brought with it a renewed level of attention to That Day. And yes, the articles recollecting personal experiences from back then have revived some of the emotions. But I digress. The point I’m trying to make is that my own response to a little itty-bitty earthquake surprised me.

Once they let us back in the building, I tried to go back to work, but my boss told me he’d never seen me so pale and to go home and have a drink. I walked home for fear of being on a subway should an aftershock come. I canceled plans to see a play lest an aftershock bring the roof down of the old theatre building.

… and now here I am. When you think about it, there’s nothing quite like a natural disaster (or fear of one) to shake off a wedding vortex, that’s for sure!

A stage assistant runs on stage.

Oh - pardon me -

Whispers in Woman’s ear and runs off.

Well, if this doesn’t take the cake!

Woman begins to laugh.

A hurricane! A real, live, honest to goodness hurricane! (Laughs) I mean, now, really! An earthquake AND a hurricane in one week? Who on earth has ever heard of such a thing?! (Continues to laugh) What’s next? Locusts? No, flying pigs! (Collects herself) Whew. I needed that laugh. Oh, dear. You must all be quite ready to go home.

The audience begins to leave.

Stock up on candles and batteries! See you again soon, I hope! Thank you for coming!

Woman exits stage, muttering “A hurricane! Of all things...It’s practically farcical... Where’s my umbrella?”