Unresolved

For several years now, two friends and I have shared our New Year resolutions with each other. The tradition includes somewhat regular updates to keep ourselves on track. I was deemed overly vigilant one year when I initiated quarterly check-ins, but somehow the practice stuck, and last week was Check-In Time. I couldn’t remember what my resolutions were. This was a bad sign.
I dug through my email to find the original January exchange and quickly realized why I had blocked mine out.
Resolution #1: Do not let my wedding take over my life.
Status: Fail.

Small talk serves as a constant reminder that I have a wedding to plan.

I had no idea how many veritable strangers would take such interest in the details of “My Big Day.” Then again, I wouldn’t have guessed that dozens of co-workers love wedding-based reality TV shows. Have you heard of “Say Yes to the Dress?” “Bridezillas?” How about “My Fair Wedding?” I have now.

Prior to my wearing an engagement ring, occasional pleasantries would be limited to the weather and vague discussions of weekend plans. Now, all bets are off.

I frequently get asked a question about the wedding to which my answer is usually “I don’t know”, “I haven’t gotten that far yet” or “I’m not sure.” Watching their reaction to my lack of clarity is like that part in a job interview when I know I flubbed the clincher.

I attended a Wedding Expo recently thanks to a friend who works in events. If anyone has ever ventured into IKEA without a game plan, they know how I felt walking into this place. I started to panic a little. I headed for the bar. Fortified with a glass of wine, I started making my way through the giant room. I cannot tell you how many times I heard a bride-to-be tell a vendor that her wedding was in 2012. 2012! How much advance planning did one need? How behind was I??
A photographer told me this is the most “joy-full” time of my life.
I headed back to the bar.

Theknot.com sent me an email telling me it was time to order my invitations. But I have almost six more months to go – how long can it take to ship paper? Theknot.com will now be telling my junk mail folder that I’m behind schedule for everything; I don’t want to hear it.

I dreamed my wedding was happening the next morning and I didn’t have a dress and I had forgotten to count my RSVPs and had no idea how many people were showing up.

If my resolution is any indication, a part of me must have known there was potential for turning into a stress ball. But that’s the point of these check-ins: to assess and re-resolve.

I’m amending my resolution.

New New Years Resolution #1: Accept that the wedding will take over my life and stop fighting it.

After all, as theknot.com so thoughtfully pointed out today, I only have 175 more days to go.